Purpose through adversity
As he picks up his phone to call his wife, he notices several missed calls and a voicemail from her. He quickly holds the phone to his ear.
His smile drops slowly, and his joy turns to despair as he listens to his wife’s heartbreaking message. She decided to leave the marriage and for him to raise their children alone. He realizes one of his proudest moments in life has also become one of his darkest.
Going through the divorce at such a critical transition in his life and career, coupled with subsisting on a limited stipend while going to school full-time, put the young Airman in a hyper-stressful position, both financially and emotionally.
“I had two babies in diapers to raise alone. We had nowhere to live, no family, nothing; we were homeless for a while,” said now-U.S. Air Force Maj. Tyler Sullivan, director of operations for the 11th Comptroller Squadron.
Sullivan enlisted in the Air Force straight out of high school in 2006, fulfilling a lifelong dream of joining the military. Early on in his career as a personnelist, he quickly discovered his greatest sense of purpose came from mentoring Airmen and helping them succeed.
“I always tried to do the best I could for the Airmen I served,” he said of his time as a staff sergeant. “I love watching people become better versions of themselves.”
Sullivan also knew very early he wanted to become a commissioned officer because he possessed a passion for leading others. Throughout his career, Sullivan spent time striving to be a stronger leader through teaching resilience.
Sullivan asked himself, “How does an enlisted Airman become the kind of officer others want to follow?” One answer he thought of was rooted in resilience and the implementation of a warrior mindset. He believed the true warrior ethos is applying the lessons learned in adversity to empower others.
That desire was what motivated him to pursue a commission through the SOAR program, which he was accepted for after five years of military service.
Everything he pursued was aligning just the way he hoped. Just as Sullivan was on the brink of starting the SOAR program at the University of Southern California, he received that call that would flip his world upside down.
Overnight, he became a single parent and would need to balance coursework on a monthly stipend that was not enough to pay for housing. At times, he had to rely on friends for support and at one point even lived out of his car while his children stayed with friends during his school hours.
“It was a lot,” he shared. “I felt like I had to hide it all because if anyone found out, I worried I would get kicked out of the program.”
Rather than giving up, Sullivan applied to every scholarship he could find, holding out faith that each step forward would eventually lead to a better future for his family.
“I was so grateful that I even had the opportunity to commission, that I felt like all of it was purposeful suffering,” he said. “All I could do was pray that it was all going to end up where it was supposed to.”
That mindset paid off. He was awarded more than $25,000 in scholarship funding that allowed him to finally move his family into stable housing and to continue pursuing his college education.
“Getting stable housing was a turning point for me,” he said. “As soon as I finally felt safe and grounded. All of the emotions I had been suppressing when my ex-wife left and the consequences that came with it, came crashing down on me.”
Sullivan shared that he didn't know how to handle the wave of emotions that came up.
“I always saw myself as strong and not really needing anyone,” he said.
He used to scoff at the idea of self-care and never felt like intentional focus on mental health was valid. He instead focused his energy on academic success, career recognition and physical strength.
“Up until that point, the people aspect had been the missing piece in my life,” he recalled.
Sullivan continued to struggle with his mindset but refused to let anyone into his emotional headspace. He eventually reached a point of emotional depletion and felt so low that suicide was the only way out.
“I had already taken almost a full bottle of pills when something told me to reach out for help,” he shared. “I called my first sergeant.”
His first sergeant answered, and he went into a treatment facility to get the care he needed, and he received an outpouring of support from his peers. This made him realize stable relationships with people who care are a vital part of maintaining a healthy mindset and was the missing piece he needed.
“Now, as a leader, I do my best to put people first,” he said. “I no longer scoff at the idea of self-care; I embrace it and implement it.”
Sullivan went on to climb the officer ranks, continued his educational pursuit and earned both master’s and doctorate degrees in human resources. He has spearheaded Joint Base Anacostia-Bolling’s resilience efforts and strives to make mental health resources available to Airmen who are struggling.
He serves as the installation’s lead master resiliency trainer, using the lessons he has learned throughout his own journey to help Airmen navigate challenges before they reach a breaking point.
“Some of my proudest moments have been watching my teammates grow and promote,” he said.
Years after believing strength meant being able to prove that one can carry every burden alone, he now measures it by the lives he is able to help shape.
For Sullivan, becoming a good leader means using the lessons learned to help others grow through adversity. Now, as he prepares to assume squadron command, Sullivan aims to leave a legacy of putting people first and carrying the torch of resiliency training within the force.
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